Eight Most Absurd PC Police Halloween Rules

Every Halloween, the PC police comes out to let us ignorant, uncultured people know which of our favorite costumes and traditions are actually horribly offensive. Here are the eight most ridiculous things they have said this year:

1. “Putting on a fake butt” is racist.

An article in Bustle, titled “How to Not Wear a Racist Halloween Costume This Year: A Simple Guide For White People,” warns that “putting on a fake butt” is racist — apparently not realizing that large butts occur on people of all races, ethnicities, and nationalities.

2. Wearing a sombrero “carries on a harmful and deadly system of oppression.”

Are you “dressing as someone from a different culture or race than yours?” If so, you are contributing to a “harmful and deadly system of oppression,” according to a piece in the Daily Nebraskan, the University of Nebraska at Lincoln student newspaper. Examples of oppressive, harmful, and deadly costumes include those “consisting of sombreros, ponchos, and drawn-on mustaches.”

3. If you decorate your house with plastic skeletons, you are a terrible person because how could you think to do that with so much violence and death in the world.

Decorating your house with skeletons, skulls, and tombstones to get in the Halloween spirit is “inappropriate at a time when violence and horrific death have become part of the daily life of hundreds of thousands of people throughout the world,” states an editorial in the Montreal Gazette. “They are living with real skulls, skeletons, and hangman’s nooses.”

4. Do not wear face paint of any color because it makes people feel “unsafe.”

Arizona State University has released a statement condemning the use of any color of face paint at any college event because the school needs to be “an environment in which everyone feels safe and accepted.” It is not clear how face paint could possibly make people feel as if they were in danger.

5. Mariachi band costumes are “dehumanizing.”

San Diego State’s student newspaper, the Vista, used hundreds of words to examine the very important issue of whether or not dressing up as a member of a Mariachi band is offensive. One student wondered if the costume might be okay if “the wearer understands the history of the Mariachi, values the art it inspires, and intends the costume to be a celebration of culture.” But another student said no way — it’s an “unrealistic and limiting portrayal” of the culture that is so offensive it can even become “dehumanizing.”

6. Sexy nurse and police costumes actually make it harder for women to work as nurses and police.

Apparently, people who dress in “tight clothing as police officers or nurses” aren’t just offensive for one night. In fact, they’re so bad that they actually “make work more difficult for actual women who are seeking to be successful in these careers,” according to a student editorial published in Arkansas State University’s newspaper, the the ASU Herald. “If people are exposed regularly to this type of cosplay, when they actually see a woman trying to be successful in one of these careers, she too will fall as part of the joke.”

7. Do not call Halloween “Halloween.” Do not call Halloween costumes “Halloween costumes.”

Elementary schools in Newington, Conn., decided that celebrating Halloween is not “inclusive,” so instead they will celebrate “Fall Festival.” Students are allowed to dress up as a “literary character” as long as they understand that it is not a Halloween costume. So, dressing up as Frankenstein is fine — as long as you are dressing up as a literary character for Fall Festival and not in a costume for Halloween.

8. Talking in a fake accent is racist no matter what you are wearing. 

Bustle also wants all the ignorant, uncultured white people out there to know that “talking in a fake accent is  “not cute — it’s racist.” So please be careful not to talk any differently than you normally would on October 31. Or, you know, ever.

— Katherine Timpf is a reporter at National Review Online.